I'm still up. I've been sleeping real late, or should I say, I haven't been sleeping well.
I have RM10 in my wallet, that's all I have.
It's funny how people thought I was making big bucks in Singapore, on the contrary,
not only did I not make any money, my salary was not enough for basic survival.
I had to skip dinner, I slept until afternoon so that I don't have to have breakfast,
and ate one meal every Sunday.
I have a RM10k credit card debt.
I came back to Penang empty handed. My parents had to support me - they had to buy every meal for me.
I had to borrow RM250 from my 17 year-old brother to pay the minimum credit card bill.
It's so embarrassing. Nights after nights I was overwhelmed by the debts that were rolling.
I borrowed money from my brother in Singapore, my parents and a dear friend.
I knew very well that I had to quit my job, but I couldn't leave jobless.
What can I do? I don't even have a degree.
Friends who heard that I'm back in Penang wanted to hang out with me but I had to say no.
Because I didn't have money to do so.
---
I remember I was updating my Linkedin profile and scrolling through the job vacancies and thought, Wouldn't it be cool if people look for me instead of me looking around?
It sort of happened.
I did translation for my favorite Chinese pastry shop, I'm translating web novels for the largest web novel platform in China, a friend hired me to be a copywriter.
If you're going through shit, please have faith.
I am indeed grateful for them, and to those who have helped me to get back on my feet.
My parents who supported me to come back to Penang.
I am writing this because I know one day, hopefully in three months, my life would turn around.
It will turn around.
This was written exactly two years ago. It was raw, I didn't edit a thing (sorry it's kinda cringy).
I was exhausted, hopeless and almost depressed. I'm glad that I decided to document my vulnerability.
I honestly don't remember suffering this much. I don't even remember borrowing money from my brother 10 years younger than me.
It's so embarrassing. But then again, nothing is embarrassing when you're desperate.
I'm just scratching the surface about my terrible one year in Singapore, financial struggle wasn't the only thing I suffered. I was paid only half the salary I was promised. I was emotionally tormented by everyone around me, colleagues who insulted me just because I'm not Singaporean. The list goes on...
Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.
People who had no idea what I went through asked why did I give up so fast.
People who knew what happened asked why did I stay in the shit hole for so long.
Anyway, fortunately, my life did turn around in three months. As a matter of fact, I paid off my debt that came up to almost RM20k within four months before 2017 ended.
I've been traveling ever since, currently on my 3-months trip in Europe.
I didn't write this to show off, I just want people to know that I once struggled really hard and gotten back on my feet.
So yes, if you're struggling right now, know that this too shall pass.
Thank you, thank you, thank you - to anyone who helped me along the journey <3
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